Kamala Harris, member of U.S. Senate said, being an advocate is “being a voice to the voiceless”. That is why I decided to expose my personal story. Writing my personal story has allowed the unresolved traumas to surface so I can address them. It is one of the most liberating actions I can do for myself and all women.
I realized my story carries great weight because it represents women’s stories worldwide. I do not wish to inadvertently empower the abuser. Instead, I want recognition for what women like myself have had to experience from covert predators who hide as lawyers, judges or other public officials.
This is exactly the reason why I have dedicated my life to helping women feel more confident about expressing their vulnerabilities and feeling safe sexually within themselves.
We are not a scorned woman, as ignorantly questioned of Anita Hill. That would imply a scare when it is really a mark of great wisdom and surviving the male-monster who preys on vulnerability. This great wisdom ultimately lead me to forgiveness, compassion, and greater awareness of my role as a woman in society.
My unmet father-needs made me vulnerable to choosing a man who would exploit his power over me. Chronically bulimic and practically homeless I met my predator one day. I didn’t realize he wanted me high all the time to gain covert control on my idea of him. Interestingly, I felt protected from the world being in a relationship with him. This naivety is what allowed me to surrender my will and be taken advantage of.
I do not intend to defame him. His manipulation of women is enough to damage his good reputation. He proclaimed for years during the climax of our sexual intimacy that “it makes my dick hard talking about having a baby with you”. This was to get me to feel safe being more sexual with him. He never truly wanted a family with me.
After coming out of depression, I had to learn to reclaim my vaginal voice, my truth, my personal power. I had to learn to be my own father and not solely depend on any man to protect me.
Similar to Bill Cosby, my abuser lectures a lot about morality, racism, and the men’s role in the women’s movement to the public. Unawakened men of this degree’s biggest injustice is targeting vulnerable women, but the beauty of women is that we rebirth and regenerate every month with our period. We can shed their energy out and cultivate ourselves as necessary.
One of Bill Cosby’s most prominent victims, Lili Bernard, stated that, “My trust for him as my father figure was so great I couldn’t imagine he would do that to me”. Fortunately, Cosby received at least 3 years in jail and according to the popular TV show, The View, a lifetime of therapy.
Fortunately, I was not raped, I was constantly coerced into drug-induced sex. I had so many memories with him that were authentic to me and that changed my life. Nonetheless, I believe women should be required to report these cases since we have been historically targeted. They indeed roam in all ranks of society.