Writing about my personal story has allowed the unresolved traumas to surface so I can address them. It is one of the most liberating actions I can do for myself and all women.
I realized my story carries great weight because it represents women’s stories worldwide. I do not wish to inadvertently empower the abuser. Instead, I want recognition for what women like myself have had to experience from covert predators who hide as lawyers, judges or other public officials.
This is exactly the reason why I have dedicated my life to helping women feel more confident about expressing their vulnerabilities and feeling safe sexually within themselves.
We are not a scorned woman, as ignorantly questioned of Anita Hill. That would imply a scare when it is really a mark of great wisdom and surviving the male-monster who preys on vulnerable women. This great wisdom ultimately lead me to forgiveness, compassion, and greater awareness of my role as a woman in society.
My unmet father-needs made me vulnerable to choosing a man who would exploit his power over me. Chronically bulimic and practically homeless I met my predator one day. I didn’t realize he wanted me high all the time to gain covert control on my idea of him. Interestingly, I felt protected from the world being in a relationship with him. This naivety is what allowed me to surrender my will and be taken advantage of.
I do not intend to defame him. His manipulation of women is enough to damage his good reputation. He proclaimed for years during the climax of our sexual intimacy that “it makes my dick hard talking about having a baby with you”. This was to get me to feel safe being more sexual with him. He never truly wanted a family with me.
After coming out of depression, I had to learn to reclaim my vaginal voice, my truth, my personal power. I had to learn to be my own father and not solely depend on any man to protect me.
Similar to Bill Cosby, my abuser lectures a lot about morality. Unawakened men in leadership’s biggest injustice is targeting vulnerable women, but the beauty of women is that we rebirth and regenerate every month with our period. We can shed their energy out and cultivate ourselves as necessary.
One of Bill Cosby’s most prominent victims, Lili Bernard, stated that “My trust for him as my father figure was so great I couldn’t imagine he would do that to me”. Fortunately, Cosby received at least 3 years in jail and according to the popular TV show, The View, a lifetime of therapy.
Fortunately, I was not raped, I was constantly coerced into drug-induced sex. I had so many memories with him that were authentic to me and that changed my life. Nonetheless, I believe women should be required to report these cases since we have been historically targeted. They indeed roam in all ranks of society.
So no government supremacy is burning this book – the historic retaliation of the patriarchy against the innate power of a woman. They didn’t understand the midwives at the time that they called, witches. Women’s bodies and books shalt not be burned but viewed as allies to society – nothing less.
I have learned from the epic MeToo movement that predators with a more extreme disproportion of power bully their victims into silence. I have been bullied this way, but in today’s culture I can speak out safely. It is unfortunate that his behavior – not mine – clouts his reputation.
This book is my attempt to fight back both the patriarch and victimhood. By arming women with a guide to constructing an empowering narrative, women rise above the injustice of perverse male power. It is the unfair, covert advantage over women’s lives.
I genuinely did not choose to be sullied by a mentor of disproportionate financial and systematic power. If I would have known I was a target to because of my unresolved father issues, I would have not given away my power. So today out of integrity to other women who may be in a similar situation, I speak out.
Thanks to the #MeToo movement and women speaking up worldwide that I have the courage to speak out.
Nonetheless, this book is not indented to highlight him. This book is intended to highlight a way out from where sexual abuse left you. For example, my own personal narrative is that all experiences are lessons of some sort.
I am happy grateful I have had years since this experience to forgive him. I know how valuable it is to connect with my heart center and forgive his projected fears. Being able to have the time and space necessary to develop compassion has been truly healing for me and the narrative I walk with.
This material you hold took me eight years to ponder and articulate carefully in honor of getting the message right. This book started out as, “Orgasmic Enlightenment”. Indeed, the title reveals its innocent conception that has now evolved into the mature “Vaginal Voice”.
The Vaginal Voice is a means for women to rethink and reframe traumatic stories that they may have had. Unfortunately, after a sexually traumatic experience, usually the first this to occur is internal sex shaming. There is nothing wrong with our sexuality and it is never too late to reframe a past story. According to Redirect, by Timothy Wilson, allowing time to pass is helpful when reframing. It allows you to settle into the reality of the circumstance and gain greater perspective.
I am grateful that time of reflection. Writing out my feelings helped so much that to evolved into this book. The orgasmic and the dreary all contributed to this story. I am grateful to have discovered first lady, and pioneer, Barbara Bush’s nonprofit for literacy. Learning literacy is essential for women to create a coherent narrative that we can stand tall voicing. This advocacy work from such high above in the political ranks represents so much to our society of women.
The beauty of this narrative is that it will allow you to start over with a new perspective that honors your feminine energy. A story of survival and renewal will allow you to walk with your stance held towards the universe.