My Story: Transforming Abuse into Power

Kamala Harris, member of U.S. Senate said, being an advocate is “being a voice to the voiceless”. That is why I decided to expose my personal story. Writing my personal story has allowed the unresolved traumas to surface so I can address them. It is one of the most liberating actions I can do for myself and all women.

I realized my story carries great weight because it represents women’s stories worldwide. I do not wish to inadvertently empower the abuser. Instead, I want recognition for what women like myself have had to experience from covert predators who hide as lawyers, judges or other public officials.

This is exactly the reason why I have dedicated my life to helping women feel more confident about expressing their vulnerabilities and feeling safe sexually within themselves.

We are not a scorned woman, as ignorantly questioned of Anita Hill. That would imply a scare when it is really a mark of great wisdom and surviving the male-monster who preys on vulnerability. This great wisdom ultimately lead me to forgiveness, compassion, and greater awareness of my role as a woman in society.

My unmet father-needs made me vulnerable to choosing a man who would exploit his power over me. Chronically bulimic and practically homeless I met my predator one day. I didn’t realize he wanted me high all the time to gain covert control on my idea of him. Interestingly, I felt protected from the world being in a relationship with him. This naivety is what allowed me to surrender my will and be taken advantage of.

I do not intend to defame him. His manipulation of women is enough to damage his good reputation.  He proclaimed for years during the climax of our sexual intimacy that “it makes my dick hard talking about having a baby with you”. This was to get me to feel safe being more sexual with him. He never truly wanted a family with me.

After coming out of depression, I had to learn to reclaim my vaginal voice, my truth, my personal power. I had to learn to be my own father and not solely depend on any man to protect me.
Similar to Bill Cosby, my abuser lectures a lot about morality, racism, and the men’s role in the women’s movement to the public. Unawakened men of this degree’s biggest injustice is targeting vulnerable women, but the beauty of women is that we rebirth and regenerate every month with our period. We can shed their energy out and cultivate ourselves as necessary.

One of Bill Cosby’s most prominent victims, Lili Bernard, stated that, “My trust for him as my father figure was so great I couldn’t imagine he would do that to me”. Fortunately, Cosby received at least 3 years in jail and according to the popular TV show, The View, a lifetime of therapy.

Fortunately, I was not raped, I was constantly coerced into drug-induced sex. I had so many memories with him that were authentic to me and that changed my life. Nonetheless, I believe women should be required to report these cases since we have been historically targeted. They indeed roam in all ranks of society.

I have learned from the epic MeToo movement that predators with a more extreme disproportion of power to their victims are typically coerced into silence. Although I have been bullied this way, in today’s culture I can speak out about it.
I did not choose to be sullied. The Vaginal Voice is my attempt to fight back by arming women with a powerful self-narrative that will allow them to rise above the injustice of perverse powerful men. So today out of integrity to my work I expose my healed wound for women to see.
According to Gishnor and Fisher, the best way to interview a sexual assault victim is to allow them to tell their story, which is called a cognitive interview.
Although I vent here in the introduction, this book is not indented to highlight my predator. This book is intended to highlight a way out of the pervasive self-destructive narrative that often follows being sexually abused. For example, a personal narrative that has allowed me to come out on top is that all experiences are lessons to allow me to gain greater wisdom and awareness.
This material you hold took me eight years to ponder and articulate carefully in honor of getting the message right. This book started out as, “Orgasmic Enlightenment”. Indeed, the title reveals the innocent sexual-spirituality I held at the time. I am grateful that now this manuscript has matured into its ultimate message – the vaginal voice!
The Vaginal Voice is a means for women to rethink and reframe traumatic stories.  It is never too late to reframe a story, in fact, according to Redirect, by Timothy Wilson, allowing some time to pass is helpful when reframing because it allows you time to settle into the reality of the circumstance and gain greater perspective.
Articulate your stance. I am grateful to have discovered first lady, Barbara Bush’s nonprofit for literacy. Learning literacy is essential for women to create a coherent narrative that we can stand tall voicing. Her nonprofit represents the essential need for all people to be savvy and empowered with their voice as Mrs. Barbara Bush was with hers. She was indeed an iconic American symbol for being literate with your narrative.
The beauty of this narrative is that it will allow you to start over with a new perspective, a crisp start to your story, a story of who you are – not who they are…who you are. Predators have had their way with young, and undeveloped women precisely because they have had a void they seek to be filled. So if possible channel compassion for their unresolved pain that has caused others pain.
So no government supremacy is burning this book – the historic retaliation of the patriarchy against the innate power of a woman. They didn’t understand the midwives at the time that they called, witches. Women’s bodies and books shalt not be burned but viewed as allies to society – nothing less.

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