I am still recuperating from the sexual trauma I experienced with my predator in Baltimore. It’s been three years since I fled that place and I still find myself constantly triggered. When I get triggered I usually go into a deep state of depression and tears.
I thought me and my predator had a superior-spiritual love. But secretly he targeted me because of my young age and encouraged me into isolation and submission in a way that did not seem harmful at the time. I now realize that God’s love is the only superior-spiritual love there is – and this has been my salvation from this lesson.
I did not know my sexual predator was only with me for his sexual pleasure. It did not seem like this at the time. I was hungry for a deep father relationship and I did not even know it at the time. But my predator knew. Apparently it was easy to tell, with only a few questions into my life my predator knew I was vulnerable and likely malleable to his predatory behavior.
This is a real story of sexual, emotional, and physical abuse finally recovered after years of healing. I know my testimony will empower you into moving to the next level of your story. Healing is a delicate road that must be traveled and embraced to really move on in a healthy manner. How can I be a women’s sensual healing advocate if I do not tell you my story? Here was my problem…
…He was my everything and that was the problem.
We cannot make a person everything because when they leave (voluntary or not) we are left to adjust our life and ideologies of who we are and who they were.
These exposed wounds could have killed me. I need to get this story out of my soul. It’s been disempowering me for far too long because I have felt restricted with the coerced contract he used to silence me. He wanted to conceal his actions to protect his legal persona of good societal guardian.
I signed this horrible contract in a desperate state of confusion. I am not the type to have ever had any type of suicidal thoughts before in my life. The contract really tethered my natural spirit from being who it was happiest being, free and open to express my truth.
You see, my mother moved here from Colombia eight months pregnant with my older brother. Five years later my parents would divorce when I was only six months old. So I never really lived with my father or had any emotional bonding with him or with my older brother for that matter and I’m not sure why.
My dad’s absence lead me to a serial predator at age 22. By serial predator, I mean a known person with predatory behavior with numerous women. Yet, the spiritual and sacred part about my story is that it had to happen to me in order to develop me into my life’s work or karma.
Now that I’m speaking on this subject as your Yoni Egg provider, I pray I can be more transparent with you. It has been the most difficult thing in the world to function under this gag order. If you were close with me at the time, or attended any of my workshops, you may have met him and know who he is. If not, it’s not worth giving him any more attention by revealing his name.
Because he represented an ultimate savior-father-figure, I actually felt dead when it was over. He left our relationship right after he gave me a bloody nose and after I refused a threesome with his new girlfriend. It was a disgusting disaster at the very least.
Once I started flexing more power in the relationship, like having boundaries, he left like he never cared from the beginning, and that was the most psychologically damaging part. “Was he ever really a friend or a father?”, “was it only about sex to him?”, “How could I ever trust anyone again?”, “How do I heal my father’s absence so I never get taken advantage of again?”.
I had to live from a new point of perspective to not kill myself after this relationship ended although it took years. I realized I am so valuable, beautiful, knowledgeable, and worthy.
My healing is still a daily journey of flexing my conscious decision making power towards choices that make me stronger and more successful. Doing Yoni Egg Yoga classes
with you has helped empower you and me together. So thank you for joining me on this road to self-goddess-realization where we can connect intimately about our Yoni and sensual healing stories.