How low self-esteem can invite sex trauma

With revelations, such as the elite child trafficking sex rink of Epstein and Maxwell, it is understandable how the association of sex and power are deemed disgusting. In this example, they are! And as someone who was sexually targeted as a twenty two year-old by a former circuit court judge I lived the experience of an abusive disproportionate power dynamic (ADPD) for nine years. But interestingly, I learned the hard truth that the true distinguishing feature that will reveal if someone will fall victim to a predator is low self-esteem.

Accordingly to the testimonies of the survivors from Epstein and Maxwell’s pedophile rink, these women were targeted because they were not only children (12-15 years of age) but also because they came from dysfunctional homes, they felt abandoned, some were orphaned, and some even mentioned to feel special when with Epstein and Maxwell. In other words, in addition to their vulnerable age, they were more vulnerable because they really did not have anyone in their life to protect them and build up their self-esteem and self-confidence. Boosting self-esteem is a form of offering protection to children.

As a woman who has hosted hundreds of Yoni workshops, ceremonies, events, and circles internationally and here in the United States is that the more you exercise your autonomy, the less likely you are to ever be taken advantage of sexually. Low self-esteem is why some women do not achieve their ideals of success. As a Yoni Egg authority and someone who has mentored hundreds of women in their Yoni Egg business, I have seen first hand how low self-esteem destroyed their business.

Recently, a Yoni Egg wholesaler informed me that she disrobed her Yoni to a group of women who paid for her event. She inserted her Yoni Egg for them because supposedly they asked her to do that. The most appalling part is that she told me she only had thirty minutes with them, and so of course this felt to me as a quicky, get paid Yoni event. Although, I started to get triggered I asked her first how she felt doing. And to be clear, I have never in 12 years of doing Yoni workshops ever conducted a quicky event like this. So, she tells me surprisingly that she is confident doing it. But, a few days later she reveals that she is still recuperating from the habit of lying and that she did not feel confident, she felt uncomfortable. This is an example, of how low self-esteem can actually hurt you, your Yoni Egg business, and potentially harm other women in your physical circle by just going along, to get along, maybe for money, maybe for clout, maybe because you do not know how to honor your boundaries as a means of self-respect.

About two weeks later this same wholesaler told me that she hosted another Yoni Egg event where 5 out of the 13 women there did not even know they were attending a Yoni event. Personally, I was so shocked she decided to continue hosting her Yoni Egg events after I told her she was not qualified from the last event. Can you imagine a Yoni Egg host who is uncomfortable inserting her Yoni Egg in front of you, why even do this to yourself I ask? She responded that she wants to make friends with liken minded women. As a Yoni Egg authority, I deem this to be a completely wrong answer and perhaps why she allowed herself to be sullied and possibly sullied other women into being there unknowingly.

When you have high self-esteem as a Yoni Egg provider you choose to empower other women, making friendships is secondary because for example, if you need to tell someone that they are doing something wrong you do not care about retaining a friendship but salvaging their safety at the expense of them perhaps not liking you for saying it. It is unfortunate, but during her paid consultation, I told her she was not qualified to continue hosting Yoni Egg circles because she was a safety hazard to the women. She did not listen and continues to host Yoni Egg circles.

Low self-esteem is a vicious demon. The reason why stating “yes, I want to do this” is so difficult or many women and men is because it makes them have to take control over their lives. They can no longer say they did it for the group, they took it for the team, because now with a consensual “yes, I want this” it means that they have to live with their choice and that requires being the “Queen” of your life, the “King of your life, the “leader” of your life, the sole person responsible for all the repercussions and rewards that may or may not follow. That may feel lonely or even disempowering because they have no one with them to count on to manage that decision. In other words, being a victim invites more company to your story, while owning your power can be isolating.

Because of low self-esteem, I revealed in a previous article how I was raped by a woman and bled the next day making it painful to walk. To this day, I have never bled from any other sexual event. Although my boyfriend at the time encouraged this woman’s sexual advances, it was my low self-esteem at the time that confused me into believing that I should yield to her. I held onto the story that is was my boyfriend’s fault but in fact it was my low self-esteem to had me look up to him to know my own best interest. Looking out for someone else to tell you what to do, instead of listening to the pain of the moment is no one else’s responsibility but our own, and that may feel triggering to many but it is the truth that can takes years to accept.

Low self-esteem is a reason sexual gratification is demonized in our culture today. Because low self-esteem inherently implies a lack of self-control. Anything goes, anything can happen, a life can be lost because there was no affirmative: “I choose to be here, in this sexual scenario”, and then becomes a consequential choice. Sexual gratification coupled with low self-esteem means a person is surrendering a great portion of their autonomy to whomever is gratifying them at the moment. Giving themselves up, giving-in to anyone who will give them esteem in that temporary act. Unfortunately, boosts of false self-esteem is too often confused with welcomed sexual advances.

For men, I encourage them to retain their semen (their power) as a form of building their self-esteem. Because so many men are addicted to porn, they are unknowingly creating the habit of surrounding their control to the whim of the moment. We need our men in control more than ever in our society. I encourage the men who watch my secret yoga videos to ejaculate with intention, such as, “I choose to ejaculate now” verses ejaculating without planning to do so. In one of these videos I made, I discussed ejaculating to memorialize a relationship, such as ejaculating after a woman accepts their hand in marriage. This type of choice making requires high self-esteem to actualize and is so fucking sexy when actually done! In return, the level of respect granted from the receiving party is priceless and the orgasms – beyond memorable.

Furthermore, the main reason I deleted my instagram nearly two years ago is because I stopped valuing “likes” from strangers. As someone who has gone viral many times for her youtube yoga, “likes” do you save you in a pickle, “likes” do not comfort you at night, and “likes” do not care about the soul behind the picture. “Likes” have made no difference in my day-to-day living because they are worthless. Even if you are arguing that the more “likes” you get the more paid you get, I would argue that it is better to simply charge more for your services instead of chasing “likes” because a “like” represents that you have to appease a culture, a group of people that may conflict with your home life, your spiritual values, or your peace of mind. I have been much more fulfilled without instagram and the more time I have saved without checking it constantly, and the increased attention span I have gained from not scrolling into a bottomless pit of comparison.

Choosing when to give-in and when not to give in makes you the King/Queen in your universe. Just ask yourself after giving into a decision you really did not want to make, such as surrendering to an addiction, when you really want to say “no” when at the last minute you surrender your plan, this creates low self-esteem and makes you more vulnerable to surrendering your power the next time you have to make that same decision later. On the contrary, building self-esteem is as simple as creating a habit of choosing your sanity over your indulgence. Choosing your rhythm of “I choose when and how” and valuing that you can even do that, while many people may not even have the privilege to choose for themselves, while you do! Choose your sanity in each opportunity you can – it will become second-nature when decisions get more challenging you’ll be able to handle them better.

 

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