He told me I liked it when it hurt

I never realized I experienced sexual trauma until I started listening to other women’s stories. Ten years ago, I remember one day after a workshop a woman stayed behind after one of my first Yoni Breathing cyphers in my then apartment with a bag of sex toys – true story!

I was naive and asked to see the toys, the problem was that she planned – without telling me – to stay after the class and take sexual advantage. This is an example of sexual predatory behavior.

When she was showing off her sex toys to me, sitting across from me on my chaise lounge laughing, it seemed fun and well intentioned and it was new to me as a newly empowered woman. She stood up, came over to me and sat down. I didn’t have any defenses up so when she started touching me, I allowed myself to go into a hurtful situation.

I was sexually curious and for the moment and feeling safe enough to explore. She started fingering me vigorously and it hurt! It was like she was stabbing my Yoni with sharp strokes that sliced me inside. I hated it but didn’t say that. I just laid there with no boundaries and took it.

I was able to abruptly kick her out when she suggested her boyfriend come join us. I didn’t even know she had a boyfriend or that she told him to be on his way.  This scenario was clearly orchestrated not to have any consideration to me. Finally, my first boundary was triggered. 

The next day my Yoni for the first time bled after sex. It was the selfish-fingering she stabbed me with, so I called my “daddy”. Do you know what he told me? 

First, it’s important to announce this is the same “daddy” from my recent article. I point this out because female sexual abuse is too common and the damage too great to our society. Because the women are the ones with the connection to the Universe because it is through her Yoni. 

Unfortunately, at this time, I was still learning self-respect and very naive. My “daddy” told me I secretly liked it and that I was in denial of being bisexual. So he completely invalided the pain I was caused by sexual predation. Because I allowed him to say these things to me he tried manipulating me into threesomes just like the woman with the sex toys.

Sexual trauma is the number one reason women use Yoni Eggs. The majority of women who use Yoni Eggs have said they even feel more self-confident since using them too. Embodying self-confidence is essential to eliminating any sexual trauma we are experiencing now. 

Having a legitimate Yoni practice helps you acknowledge the power of source you carry within. I know it sounds spiritual because it is, your Yoni is the connection to God. Your womb is connection to life and magical reproductive power. 

Protect her and honor her now with boundaries that keep her safe, and apply them and use them as the tools the Creator gave you to keep her safe, and you will reap the reward of an honorable and satisfying womanhood. 

5 thoughts on “He told me I liked it when it hurt”

  1. Sabrina, it is a joy and honor to use my pain for a greater purpose. Thank you for reading it and posting your comment.

  2. Can I simply say what a comfort to find somebody who really understands what they are talking about on the internet. You actually know how to bring an issue to light and make it important. A lot more people really need to check this out and understand this side of the story. You surely possess the gift.

  3. The crux of your writing while sounding agreeable originally, did not settle well with me personally after some time. Someplace within the paragraphs you managed to make me a believer but just for a very short while. I nevertheless have got a problem with your leaps in assumptions and one would do well to fill in those gaps. In the event you actually can accomplish that, I will certainly end up being fascinated.

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