Have you ever felt uncomfortable and didn’t say anything?

This has happened to me many times. Meeting someone and they get super close, super fast and you’re like, “Um, should I say something?!” Yes, me, who teaches sacred sexual confidence, ha! I believe the evolution of women’s self-righteousness is growing and it is causing the country to culturally shift towards respect for women’s personal space. I believe the invasion of our personal space starts date rapes and other forms of sexual violence. It is at the moment we feel uncomfortable that we need to speak up!

After being targeted by my previous partner via his extreme systematic power dynamic, and being served a gag-order, yes I said it, an actual gag-order because I didn’t speak up for myself sooner and surround myself by the right people to really aid me against this legal-bully who has tried to keep me silent from speaking my truth regarding the very uncomfortable scenarios he coerced me into daily for many years.

Somewhat similarly, two women said that they felt uncomfortable by how Joe Biden affectionately kissed their head and rubbed noses with them years ago – they did not say anything at the time. The problem is that now it looks like these women are trying to manipulate Biden from running for president. I don’t agree with this form of call-to-action for women to speak up because it does feel like fake political theater.

Speaking up in the moment even though we are intimated is the lesson, ladies. 

I believe fighting against oppression of any kind needs to happen immediately in the moment of the violation. I mean, you hear about immediate action for training animals, children, and even dealing with bullies, so why not also apply this when feeling uncomfortable – oh I know, it makes you uncomfortable.

Although I have been bashed by my own friends for being blunt, I don’t care, it needs to be said for our own safety! You need to get over your discomfort and be your own protector. Don’t expect anyone to protect you in true moments of vulnerability because people may not know they are trespassing you or they may not have your best interest at heart.

Standing up for yourself use to be done by our surrounding parents, family, friends, and ourselves! Because we live in a more social media and divided world, I have come to realize I am the only one truly responsible for being disrespected and it is on me for saying something.

After I went through one of the worst depressions in my life, I really yearned for special affectionate friendships. Nose rubbing and head-kissing are so sweet and I love these friendships. Having it around when I moved would have definitely helped to carry me feel more supported, especially because I am afraid these allegations from women years later do culturally affect men as well and they are less inclined to grab your hand, hug you, or tell you, you look beautiful out of fear of being a violator. So having this conversation up front is definitely valuable. 

Avoid the backlash by speaking up now, it is easier to do instead of waiting. I have personally waited three years to talk about this gag-order and feeling scared of the repercussions, but the greatest orgasm for me now is speaking my vaginal voice, my truth!

I heard someone once say whenever someone disrespects you, its always your own fault. You must set boundaries and honor them through immediately saying something when they are crossed! It can be very nice and sweet how you say it but LET THEM KNOW. Or else if the violation goes further it is because you are communicating that behavior can proceed.

Not honoring your boundaries gives people an advantage over you because they can cross you how they like. Its true you will lose friendships, relationships, business associates, and even family members for being loyal to your own boundaries but it is the most empowering position to stand in because everyone will know they can only go so far without getting told about your boundaries and you will be safe from dangerous relationships.

9 thoughts on “Have you ever felt uncomfortable and didn’t say anything?”

  1. Oof. So much of this. This is something I have personally been struggling with all my life and have recently in the last year or so have begun to try to address. I am one to look at all sides of a situation but that will often “logic” myself out of action or will overwhelm me to the point of inaction.

    I was willing to put myself through hell because I society taught me not to make waves, but when I look at those around me and the upcoming generation, that’s when I snap to. I am waking up now and want to do everything in my power to protect and encourage growth in the youngins. I don’t want the same for them, so its up to us to change things. Just because “it’s always been like this” does not make it right! Why should the cycle of pain continue when it doesn’t need to?

    My personal goal this year is to speak my truth more and not let anyone else write my narrative. I have taken steps that have been on my mind for years and not said or done anything about. Also taking my own advice to others which is also usually to take action while you can and document EVERYTHING, to reduce the chance of it being dismissed later.

    This is a big topic for me, I could go on and on. Thank you so much for sharing your truth, it inspires the rest of us to do it as well.

  2. I have to say as a continuous victim of sexual advancement time and time again may it be known that it does not matter when, but that we do realize that your touch was inappropriate. It’s not okay and I’m not okay with it. You dont want to be this victim you dont go around asking for it but you will notice that those seeing it happening or know wont say anything. You will hide it cause you are embarrassed, you will try to bury it and ignore. Until you face it; sort through the emotions it’s another weight to drag you down. Something has to change and it’s the view we grow up on that shapes our habits.

    Stop objectifying women, stop blaming me for your actions, society we need help.

    • Indeed those who witness the discomfort usually don’t speak up for the victim. We have to speak up ourselves and not be victimized.

  3. Ah, boundary building, for me, has been something that’s been coming on the up and up since the beginning of 2018. When it comes to boundaries, I believe there is always something to learn. I have indeed lost connections with coworkers, friends, and family members. It has left me in a place where I don’t communicate with people much, but it has shown me where I’ve been neglecting my own needs. By distancing myself from others, I have been forced to learn how to be the person I need to thrive and feel nurtured. It’s a beautiful feeling knowing that I can provide for myself so that in turn, I may show others how to do the same. What a great article. Thank you for sharing, Grace. <3

  4. I can relate to this. So many times I have had sex with men when in fact I just didn’t know how to say NO. I had no boundaries, I was not honoring who I was and my value and allowing others to take advantage of me so freely. Now I am in such a different space and have set in place strong healthy boundaries.

  5. It’s really angers me to know that women in the working world are basically expected to shut up in public and be sexual provocative in secret. Virtually docile in every way, not to assertive, not too many opinions or talk back, just a sexual object. I worked with a gentleman who was very sweet and helpful to the naked eye, but to the trained eye he was a womanizer disguised. If he saw you had too much sense he wouldn’t assist you, or see you as the stereotypical damsel in distress, he figured you could help your self since you had your own mind emotions and concepts. Sadly in this case either he sought to break you down to that point. The male ego can be so fragile.

  6. I personally set my boundaries and say what I feel upfront…there of course has been a moment or two where I held my thoughts or feelings for one reason or another, but I’ve learned that for me even at the cost of what I My loose I must express… can’t allow my throat chakra to be blocked.

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